


No One Like You

by Deanspain



Series: AUs, One Shots and practice in writing [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Angst, M/M, sad!castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-04-19 04:27:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4732769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deanspain/pseuds/Deanspain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Then came the other guys, the ones that Cas was more honest to himself about. The ones that had darkish blonde hair, green eyes, freckles, strong jaws and yet he could always find something wrong with them. To be honest there wasn’t actually anything wrong with them. They only real flaw they had was that they looked like Dean, but that they weren’t him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!  
> So this might become a 3-part story. I have yet not decided if I want to have a happy or sad ending.  
>   
> I hope you enjoy reading.

Castiel fell back on the bed as he heard the guy leave his flat. He closed his eyes and instead tried to listen to the city-life outside his window. He was frustrated, but not sexually frustrated. No, he was only mad at himself, at the whole situation really. His hands came up to his face as he tried not to cry, holding back the tears and the screams that had been building up for months now. He breathed shakily out and chucked sadly. It was all terribly stupid, pathetic and weak of him. He was stuck in a circle, because the first guys that Cas had brought home had all looked the same, dark brown hair, brown or blue eyes, thin lips, no freckles and straight legs. Of course they all had been pretty but as soon as they had touched him he hadn’t been able to contain the angry frustration of how uncomfortable he was with them and how wrong their touch felt.

Then came the other guys, the ones that Cas was more honest to himself about. The ones that had darkish blonde hair, green eyes, freckles, strong jaws and yet he could always find something wrong with them. To be honest there wasn’t actually wrong about them. They only real flaw they had was that they looked like Dean, but they weren’t him. 

The nights all ended the same, Castiel telling the random dude to fuck off because he lost all kind of interest. This time he had hoped that it would work, that Dean’s voice would get out of his head and that he would be able to touch the guy without comparing his skin to Dean’s always warm one. He had been so close, they had kissed and Castiel had led him to his bedroom where the guy had laid down and smirked up at Castiel. And that’s when all went to shit. 

“You like what you see?” Had the guy said and Castiel had lost all his interest. He could only see Dean laying next to the guy, same pose, same smirk and same words, but it all had been so much more real with him. He hadn’t been some one night stand. He had been someone special, what they had done had been special and even the build up to it had been special. Castiel had sent the guy home with an half-hearted apology and a sad smile. 

He rubbed his eyes as he tried to get the images of Dean’s laughs and smiles out of his head. It was bad enough that he saw him in everything Castiel found beautiful. He would certainly not sleep tonight. 

He sighed as he got up and made his way over to the kitchen, putting the kettle on. He picked his phone up and checked for any new texts, but nobody had texted him. To be fair, why would anyone text him at one am? If Castiel had done his math right, Dean was getting ready right now for the day. 

He had wanted to make some tea, but decided to get some wine before going back to his bedroom. He took his phone with him, sending a quick text to Charlie about how she needed to get him out of here. On his way through his flat he couldn’t help but to wonder how Dean had it, what was his normal day, what was his new home, how did it look and what kind of feelings did it give him? Dean had once said that he wanted a bed with memory foam so that “it will remember me”. He probably had that now, a nice big bed with memory foam where he slept with his wife. Castiel hated how the images of Dean with his wife hit him faster than the bottle hit his lips. 

Nobody had forced him to look at the wedding photos even though Charlie had flipped the fuck out about Dean could have been so heartless to actually send them to him. She had stayed over that night, held him as he cried, talked to him as he had thrown things and laid with him on the floor and quietly spoken about Dean. She had blocked Dean’s number that day both in her phone and in Castiel’s. 

“Cas. You have waited for a sign from him that would either explain what happened between you guys or to say what he felt for you. This is your sign. This is the sign that you have to let go.”

It just felt wrong to think that Dean could be that cold hearted, especially when all that he could see when he closed his eyelids was how Dean had bumped into him, how he had helped pick his books and papers up, how he had shyly asked him out, how he had gently massaged Cas shoulder’s, how he had taken his time to listen to every dream Castiel had and how he had kissed him so sweet that Castiel had been afraid that he would have gotten toothache just from it. 

He had fallen so deep for Dean. He had fallen for the cute blushes, the laughs, the smiles, the beautiful eyes that held so much emotion, the sun-kissed skin, the soft voice that used to sing to him, the gentleness in the rough hands, the love in every kiss. He could still feel the wet tears streaming down his face as Dean kissed him breathless, he could still hear the promises of how he would come back for him and he could still hear Dean begging him to trust him that “One day I’ll kiss you again, one day I’ll be making you smile from the moment you wake and one day I’ll once again continue to steal your breath away. One day we’ll be brought back together. I promise, I fucking promise you, Castiel that one day you’ll be wearing a ring on your finger because of me. I love you and I need you in my life”. 

Castiel laughed into the darkness. Somewhere he could hear sirens and his phone screen said it was 3 am already. He had work in the morning, but Dean wasn’t leaving his head, his heart and Castiel was so tired. He was just so tired. His chest always felt so tight, the air too thick and too heavy to breathe, his heart felt like it was slowly ripping apart and everything else felt numb. And yet, no matter how much he hated Dean he stilled loved him ten times more than he could ever hate him.

Once again he fell asleep with only an empty bottle in his bed and dried tears on his cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so yeah I got a burst of inspiration and decided to write this second piece to the story.   
> It's probably not the end, but the end will come later on this month or in the beginning of next month. 
> 
> I haven't read it through so there might be some spelling mistakes.

His alarm woke him up in the morning. Outside it was raining and the grey sky seemed to melt into everything under it, making it look as grey and dull. It wasn’t a major problem though, because it was still raining though and Castiel loved the rain. It felt fresh when he walked out and the rain fell nicely over his umbrella. The sound calmed him and he didn’t bother with headphones. The walk to his art gallery wasn’t long but his fingers were a bit numb from the cold as he unlocked the door. He didn’t have to rush this early in the morning. There weren’t many people that would show up at their door at eight pm just to buy a painting, photo or an artwork. Some artist might call in to see how their works had been places and such, but no other real rush and Castiel let himself enjoy the peacefulness. 

 

Castiel had stayed many late night just ogling the different artworks that covered his shop, put up new ones and changed the displays just because he didn’t want to go home. It left him with nothing to do in the mornings though. With a sigh he took of his coat and put it away in the wardrobe along with his umbrella. His phone showed him that Charlie had replied to his late night text saying that she would take him to the upcoming Comic Con. He didn’t reply at that, but instead asked her to pick up some coffee when she came by. Castiel was still texting her when he walked out back to gallery, focused on trying to decide on if he wanted a regular latte or if a caramel one. 

 

“Excuse! Do you work here?” A woman’s voice made him look up. In the middle of the gallery stood a woman dressed in a modern dark leather jacket and some ripped jeans. She didn’t look like the rest of his customers, since most where either rich people, artsy students or strange european couples. She had a beautiful smile with bright perfectly straight teeth and Castiel tried to understand why she seemed familiar. 

 

“Yeah. I’m actually the owner. Can I help you with anything?” Castiel smiled at her. 

 

“Oh, that perfect. Nice to meet you…I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name?” She smiled back at him, but Castiel could see that she was very tired. 

 

“I’m Castiel. Castiel Novak. And whom do I get the pleasure to meet?” His voice sounded fake to his own ears, but she fell for it just like everyone else. 

 

“I’m Lisa. I have heard that you sell some art works of Kevin Tran, is that right?” Lisa turned to look around, her back facing him and Castiel let himself roll his eyes for a second before getting into character again.

 

“Yes, we sell some of his creations. Unfortunately he has become rather popular lately and most of what you’re looking at is actually sold. We do have a collection of his notes and some sketches though, if you are interested?”

 

“Ah, that’s too bad. I’m sorry to say but they won’t really do. I need something impressive. I’m looking for a gift for my husband.” Lisa turned to face him with a soft smile, but Castiel could see that she was studying him, deciding if he could help her or not.

 

“We can go and take a look on some more things then. Are you looking for a specific artwork in the form of a painting or a sculpture?” 

 

“I’m looking for a painting or maybe a photo print? I’m not sure yet.” Lisa hummed as turned her back towards him again. She walked up to a wall covered with paintings and photos. Castiel took the moment to quickly look at his phone. Charlie had texted him saying that she would be at work in fifteen minutes and that she was brining him his coffee. 

 

“I don’t really care what kind of style or so it is. My husband likes what is pleasing to the eye and it feels like that could be anything.” Lisa was talking to him, but it almost sounded like she was talking to herself. 

 

“Well how about we just take a walk around the gallery and see if you find something that stands out? May I ask what kind of gift is it?” Catstiel asked with faked interest as he came to stand beside her and look up at the wall. Some of the paintings were done by professionals, while others by just out-of-school artist. Same with the photos except that some of them were his own. It wasn’t anything he had prioritized but sitting in a gallery filled with beautiful art works could really inspire you. Castiel had always loved creative writing and studying art, but he had never imagined to also start doing it on his free time. 

 

“It’s a goodbye and good luck sort of thing, but also a get your head out of your ass.” She turned to smile brightly at him. “It’s also an apology.” 

 

“That’s a heavy gift. I’m not sure if I can help you out with that to be fair. I think you should look around and whatever catches your eye and feels right will probably be perfect.” Castiel smiled at her and quickly went back to the register as soon as she nodded in thank you. 

 

Meanwhile Lisa walked around looking at stuff and humming at things she liked, Cas decided to go over the gallery’s bookings and upcoming events. It was something about Lisa that put him on edge, she reminded him of something he had tried to forget and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He rubbed his forehead, drinking wine at 3 am hadn’t been his best decision.

 

“I would like to buy this one.” Lisa’s voice made him look up. She was pointing at a photo Cas had taken. One of his typical ones. It was a picture of a deep green forrest that shielded big mountains which the sun hid behind. He was quite proud of that one. The play in colour was smooth and it was pleasing to the eye. He had been out with Dean when he had taken it. It had rained four days in a row and then one day the sun suddenly showed up and Dean dragged him out on a hike. Castiel had tried to protest, but given in since he actually loved the outdoors and nature aesthetic looked good on Dean. He couldn’t remember where he had hid the pictures of Dean from that day.

 

“That’s actually one of my artworks. It’s not really worth much and doesn’t hold any bigger value.” Castiel wasn’t sure how he felt about giving it away, but Charlie was right. It was time to let go.

 

“I’m sure my husband will love it anyways. In fact I think he will love it even more if it’s not some random famous artist.” She turned around and walked over to him. Her mind was already set and all Castiel could do was to show her how she would pay and when it would be sent to her if she wanted it delivered (she did). Lisa got done filling everything in when Charlie finally showed up. 

 

“Hey, Cassie. I got your favourite but they mixed it up twice before getting right so I’m a bit late because of that and also maybe because the barista was the cutest girl in the whole entire world and she likes Star Wars!” Charlie didn’t stop rambling till she saw Lisa which made her freeze up and look at Cas with big eyes.

 

“Oh eh. I will leave it here and just quickly go in the back and get my jacket off and yeah and all that.” She placed the coffee cup on the wooden disk before quickly despairing to their private office. Castiel just shrugged it off and smiled at Lisa thanking her for the buy. 

 

“It was nice meeting you, Castiel.” Lisa smiled one last time at him before leaving. As soon as the door closed behind her with a pling Charlie walked out. She looked confused and almost unsure, which was very out of her character. 

 

“An old ex of yours or something?” He took a sip of his coffee and looked down at the papers. He had to sort them and sign it up to the delivery. 

 

“Oh my god, Castiel! Don’t you know who that is?” Charlie walked with quick steps over to him and slammed her hands on the table. Her fingers held down all papers that he had to sort and take a copy off. He looked up at her with a sigh. Castiel loved her till death and she was his best friend, but she had a tendency to react a bit  too strong about some people that looked like some character or actors that had plaid in some nerdy film. It was cute but a wine hangover and a broken heart it didn’t seem too amusing.

 

“No, Charlie. I don’t know who she is.” Charlie looked at him as he was completely crazy before she looked down at the papers under her hands. She looked around for a bit before she found what she was looking for.

 

“Castiel. That was Lisa.” She looked up at him with sad eyes before giving him the paper. He rolled his eyes at her but took the paper still.

“Yeah, I know that. She told me.” Castiel looked down at the paper and skimmed over it when he saw it. He took a step back and looked up at Charlie before looking down at the paper. 

With a neat handwriting it was signed with; Lisa Winchester, Australia. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thankful for all support I get and honestly there's nothing more inspiring and motivating than your comments and kudos. 
> 
> Thank you so much reading, hopefully you enjoyed it and if you did please tell me so either by a comment or a kudos. If you didn't like or/and want to change something please tell me. I'm open to all critique.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the final chapter. This took me so much time because I had a million endings in my head but nothing seemed like the right one. Until a couple of days ago when it hit me and I wrote it while studying for a math exam. This is a bit more poetic text then before but I hope you guys don't mind but this is how I saw it. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Cas stood there frozen, looking down at the text with disbelief. Had Lisa Winchester, the woman Dean had left Cas for and gotten married with, just visited him and bought one of his photos? A photo he had taken with Dean, her husband, which had once been his boyfriend. It felt surreal and for one second Castiel was almost sure that he was dreaming. What was the chances of it being random? It couldn’t have been random, could it? No. She knew he, she knew him before he even said his name. The question was why. What did she get out of it? Castiel dropped the papers and turned around, breathing in and out slowly.

“Cas, are you okay?” Charlie’s voice made him look up. She had her arms lazily crossed over her chest, probably in order to stay calm and collected. He wanted to say something, to ask what she thought, but nothing came out and he just stood there with his mouth open as he tried to think. Nothing really made sense. Nothing. Since the day Dean went up and left, nothing had made sense. He had tried to understand Dean and his reasoning, which had taken a lot of him. He had still tried and in the end given up with trying understanding, a defeat called acceptance. 

Anger and sadness were at war in his chest. He tried to reply, but all that came out was a soft sigh. He rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes. He needed to forget shit and just move on, but the universe wasn’t letting him. Cas had been raised in a christian family and some of that faith was still in him, slowly dying out with every painful reminder of Dean. Why was he constantly pushed to remembering? Why did dreams of Dean trying to run to him always come when Cas had days where he had almost forgotten him? Why did things like this come and break him down every time he found energy to get out of bed?

“Lock the door and put the sign about a temporary break.” It was almost an order, but Cas said like a plea. He looked tiredly at Charlie who got on with the program quickly. She did everything he said quickly and returned to his side with a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Charlie. What if he was the one? What if he was the one I was supposed to be with and it just went all to hell? I can’t explain things anymore, Charlie. I can’t leave him, he won’t leave me and with miles between us I still feel the warmth of his skin, the scent of his hair and the energy of his soul. It burns and it pulls me so strongly when I try to pull away. It doesn’t want me to leave, but I can’t get any closer and I don’t understand!” Cas could feel tears running down his cheeks and Charlie’s grip on his shoulder got harder as she moved closer. 

“I hate the things I used to love because I see him in them. I see him in everything that is beautiful. I see him in every art piece, in every song and I feel him with every ray of sun that hits my skin. I can’t just move on and forget, because the universe is not letting me.” Tears were now steadily falling down from his eyes and he felt as if he was out of breathe. Charlie moved closer and hugged him from behind. He could feel how her tears were soaking up the back of his shirt and he gripped her arms for support as he let it out. He cried and cried and in the back of his head he could feel how his chest was slowly getting lighter. 

Cas wasn’t sure how long they cried, how long Charlie held him or even how they ended up on the floor, all he knew that he felt as he had been emptied of an ocean. Charlie had her face buried in the back of his neck and he was holding her hands in his own. Her breathe was warm and his whole back was sweaty and wet from tears. He could feel that his eyes were swollen and his lips split from him biting it to not scream. He knew that it was supposed to hurt but he simply didn’t feel it, just like he couldn’t really feel his fingertips or legs. He felt so cold and Charlie hung on to him like a warm blanket. 

“I miss him.” Cas’ voice came out hoarse and broken. 

“I know you do. Just like I know he misses you too.” She suddenly held tighter onto him. 

“Tell me, Charlie. I know you know.” It’s amazing how the sound can escape from your voice and make it into a breathy noise that people still hear. 

“He has been asking about you. He told me to make sure that you had it good, that you move on and that you find happiness. It’s been killing him more than it’s been killing you.” Her voice broke and one part of him hated to hear it, but at the same time he needed to know. 

“Why? Why did he leave? Why didn’t you say anything? Why do you know but I don’t?” Cas could feel how exhaustion washed over him with every word. Time seemed to stand still, the only thing in movement was the rain outside.

“It’s complicated. I hate to say it, but it is. It has been, what one or two years now, and you both are still hurting. So I’m going to tell you. I’ll tell you everything. But you have to promise to listen and to not hate me? I never meant to hurt you in any way. I thought I didn’t have a choice, but there are so many things that I could have done differently. Just believe me when I say that everything I did was done in the best possible intentions. Promise me.” Her grip got harder and even though there was a part of him that wanted to question everything she said. One part wanted to just get away from her hug, to scream and to question. He felt betrayed. At the same time he was tired and he knew that she had been there before Dean and after him too. She had always been there. 

“I promise.” The words were a bitter relief. She had him in more than just one grip. Charlie was smart and she knew that he couldn’t go against things he had promised. 

“Okay. I’m just going to start from the beginning of it all. Lisa and Dean have known each other for a very long time. Their families knew each other and they practically grew up together. Dean loves her like a sister, she’s like a female Sam to him. Around five years ago she found out that she was being deported, loads of new dumb laws and she was being kicked out, sent back to Italy, where her family hadn’t lived for more than 30 years. She panicked and called Dean’s dad asking for help… And you know how he is. He doesn’t like you and he told Lisa that Dean could marry her to ensure a citizenships. It was done to late and they had to move while they waited for the papers to be fixed and here we are. That’s why she’s back here, which means Dean is too. You know how Dean is with feelings and self hate. He has been so scared all this time.” Her voice was thick and Cas could feel how his clothes were soaking up her tears. 

Castiel wanted to say something, but was there to say? Dean had still left, Dean could have said something, he could have explained and he could have chosen him. A selfish part of him was mad, he loved Dean and he would have never been able to leave him for another woman or man. Why couldn’t he had just said no to it? Why did he love her enough to leave Cas? A sadder and more pathetic part of me just wanted to cry out and beg Dean to come home to him, to stay and never leave again. Yet there was a smart part of him, the logical thinking that told him that things would never be the same again. He would never be able to look at Dean in the same way he used to, he would never be able to trust him the way he used to and he would never be able to believe in the things Dean said ever again. He knew that he would be living in a constant fear of being left, remembering the pain that Dean had left. It would be like living in thick smoke, filling his lungs and making his skin itch. He couldn’t do it. 

Slowly he stood up. Charlie slid of him like a soft blanket. The air seemed a bit less heavy.

“I…It doesn’t matter anymore. It was too long ago and I should have left it go months ago, just like he should have had too. It’s nothing going to fix anything anymore and whatever we used to have…It’s dead now. It’s dead and the reason behind it doesn’t really matter. The only thing I can do now is to make sure that I don’t redo this mistake again. I need to be stronger and I want to be happy again. So you can tell him that, Charlie. I have found peace with myself, I know the reason behind my pain and I can finally start curing it…But he is not the cure, not his love and not our past relationship. I’m moving on and I’m going to be happy. All I have for him is that I wish for the same relief and happiness for him.” He took a deep breath. “I’m taking a day off. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

With that Castiel walked out, didn’t even hear Charlie’s drafted reply, didn’t see her closing her eyes and hold back a scream. He walked out and with every step he felt cleaner, the rain was a cold relief and the fresh wet air was cleaning out the smoke in his lungs. When he got home he was completely soaked, but he didn’t change his clothes, first he opened the blinds on his windows and then he sat down on his living room floor and watched the city live outside his windows. The rain drops that fell from his hair felt like the sadness that was slowly ran off him. He smiled carefully as he closed his eyes and from the clouds small strings of sunshine that landed on his eyelids. 

Slowly he started falling asleep and right before he fell into the soft clouds of sleep he could hear the voice of his father, “If the universe loves it then it will find a way”. Castiel fell asleep on the floor while the clouds faded and the sun came forward and laid a soft blanket of sunshine on him. In the shop Charlie was laughing with a customer that was having a hard time deciding between two paintings. Across the stress was a mother walking with her husband and child talking about the day they had met. Castiel’s neighbour had just received a promotion, while the paper boy found out that his cat would have to be put down. The girl in Castiel’s favourite coffeeshop was studying for an exam and the guy that would deliver Lisa’s painting was eating a sandwich while watching his son practice for his ballet performance. 

Life moved on and so did Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Kudos and comments are so important to me because I need to know what you guys think. What did you think about the ending? Was it what you had imagined? Was it the wrong one or the right? 
> 
> I also want to thank everybody that have supported me through this small piece. For some reason I have really held this story close to heart. A big thank you to everyone that has encourage my writing and that have showed interest.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this "might be"- story.  
> I am hungry for some response since I'm struggling with a writers block still so please comment what you felt about this and/or just leave kudos if you liked it.  
> What do you guys think? Do you like it? Hate it? Is it worth reading or is it boring? Does it feel like there should be a happy or sad ending?
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading!


End file.
